five

"I saw the pain and I turned my back...

I am willing but I am so afraid...

I wanna be your hands, I wanna be your feet

I'll go where you send me"

"Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

1 Peter 3:14-16

God, we both know I've never been great at talking about important things. I'm not even great at making small talk. So, we also both know that I haven't done a lot of witnessing in my life. I've tried, but I always come up short it feels like. I feel like I sound awkward and contrived and not real like I want to be. I want people to know how real you are. I'm just so afraid of sounding stupid, God. And I've heard it said that you will never look stupid but... well, I've been there when I've messed everything up. I've seen it happen. I just don't know how to be better. I don't know how to get there. Will you help me? Lord, help me to feel your reassurance in this. Remind me that you are with me always and you will give me the words once I let go. Maybe that's my problem; I don't let go. Lord, I ask that you help me to let go of myself. Help me to die to my own fears and live for you unconditionally. Help me to be your hands and feet. I don't want to be wrapped up in me anymore. I'm going to do this for you.

four

"How could you speak when all your friends checked out?

How could you read out when they nailed they down?"

But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin,and no deceit was found in his mouth.

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

1 Peter 2:20-25

Dear God, when I declare it is all yours, I am declaring that you are in control of it all. This includes those who do wrong to me. This includes those that I pass judgement on. God, give me the strength to know when to pass up the judgement to you. Help me to silence my criticizing tongue. You know my nature and you know how easily I can judge others and hold a grudge forever. But I ask that you would help me instead to pray for them and forgive them. Lord, I have already begun rebuilding some kind of a relationship with Jackie because you helped me to forgive her. My prayer is that through me she can see you-- that she can see the reality of Christ's work in my life. I want to do your work, God. I want to be a looking glass into your heart. I want to remember that others are forgiven just as I was and am every day. I am no better than any others. I do wrong and have bad intentions, and am sometimes rude and inconsiderate. But not only do I know I am forgiven, I also know that you are helping me fix these things. I will trust you to do the same with others. Jesus, thank you for the amazing sacrifice that you made for me. Thank you for being so perfect and taking on all my blame. Help me to know your judgement of when to be silent and when to speak up. I trust it all to you.